Nothing at all

Trying to hold it together when every piece of me keeps falling apart

I’m trying to be strong and I can’t . I can’t pretend anymore that you’re not obliterating my heart.

I can’t pretend that this isn’t my own doing. My own foolishness and hard headed ways.

After all this time, the end is creeping near. My absolute, worst, biggest, fear. Losing not only my best friend, my son, I’m losing a family who is like my own. This was supposed to be forever, two hearts molded as one.

I want to punch my fists into a cement wall and watch them bleed and feel something other than the deep strangulation cooling through my lungs.

How fucked up and how unloveable can I be, that even you – can’t keep loving me.

And I see why, the many reasons you’ve gone astray. My quick tongue, my lazy bones, my stupid brain. How could such a cold hearted bitch not love her son?

You’re right, it’s true, how could you love me…. after all we’ve been through.

I’m not strong enough to call it quits. Raise the white flags and pack my shit. I’m sorry for that; another flaw that I am weak. I hate to be so depressing, so utterly bleak. Another reason your turning the other cheek, I’m just so dark.. you’re ready for a new dawn.

We’ve built a life and here it comes, the steady fall. Nothing good lasts forever…. nothing at all.